Who am I…?

That’s a very good question!..

.. I’m very glad you asked.

See if you can work it out from the posts.

(in case you need a little help to get started…)

Male, Caucasian, Australian ( by choice), usually verbose in prose.


What’s with the Blog?

An even better Question IMHO…

The Blog is about my view on life – a forum to let me open the window and shout: “I’m as mad as Hell and I’m not gonna take it any more..!” as Aussie actor Peter Finch (RIP) suggested we all do.

With occasional light refreshments.

But tis is not just my Soapbox… tis for me AND thee! ( See first posting here).

Feel free to add your own thoughts., but don’t forget the PPS’s. πŸ™‚

Leave a comment


  1. I really need to rethink my about me page. I’m much, much funnier than I seem to appear. Some of the blogs are so inspirational. I only started out with the desire to vent but I see I have some serious work to do! *Sigh*

  2. Hi Sy!

    Many Thanks for your bravery in being the first to comment on my ‘About’
    It’s true, there are many inspirational blogs out there – i learn a lot from visiting a number of different sites and ‘checking them out; to see just what can be done with a bit of imagination ( and effort!) πŸ˜‰ I know my blog is far from what i could make it but as long as i continue to hone and improve it things will be well.

    I usually try to leave a comment (and reply to as many as i can) because let’s face it – deep down inside we all crave some attention/discussion. Why else would we display our innermost thoughts on line for the whole world to see? πŸ™‚

    I pretty much follow the commandment to Do Unto Others…

  3. Hello Bob! You’re doing great with the commandments!;-) I haven’t written in a while because of a number of reasons. A- Venting hasn’t repaired my broken heart. B- Layla’s dad hasn’t done anything more painful than the last time to inspire me to spew words of wisdom. C- I don’t want to write more miserable musings. D- I’m waiting for inspiration.
    I will be back!!:-D ( Because I think Layla’s dad MAY have done something to really want me to splash blood all over my blog. Not pretty. Perhaps best avoided?!:-)
    So like Humans are weird you’re an Aussie uh? I have yet to visit. It is gorgeous!! Tried watching Animal Kingdom but I think I’m a bit too fragile and delicate to appreciate the movie for what it is. Entertainment and fictional ONLY. Hehe

    God Bless! Keep the comments coming!! It’s awesome. Spot on about attention. We always want and need it.

    Ps: Think I know what I’m writing about next!:-)

    • Nice to know you are alive ( if not altogether ‘well’ πŸ˜‰ – Jeannie.

      ( i’m calling you Jeannie (Genie) btw for the ‘wish is my command – almost’ comment ! )
      I’m a UK expat who loves my adopted country and has lived here 40 years now. it IS gorgeous ( depending on your definition ) but i can’t think of a better country i’d want to live in – although that does not stop me from grumbling about the little bits i don’t like.. commercial tv politicians, over-emphasis on one sport and alcohol based culture… buuuuttt whadyagonnado?

      It can get a little too warm at times ( thank you global warming – now back off please ) where i live in Perth but generally the overall climate is unbelievably good. It is a very ancient, very vast continent but also modern in many ways there are so many different sights and experiences to be had you really need to see it for yourself – one day. πŸ™‚

      re: the venting… i’m quite sure venting helps – it may not cure instantly, but over time i know you will begin to find more and more moments when you can live without feeling hurt or bitter ( been there done that) The things that caused the hurt built up over a long time ( or sometimes a short very highly charged time ) so you may need to vent long and vent often to let the pressure down to a livable level. πŸ˜‰

      Just be careful that the venting does not form a habit though – not good to replace one bad habit in out lives with another. Use it wisely – as you seem to be able to do! πŸ™‚ I like your blog posts – even if the subject matter and what you had to live through to write them may not be that wonderful.

      and YES! – splashing blood all over your blog ( even his) would not be pretty and might make your keyboard sticky as well! πŸ˜‰

      Thanks for writing – and visiting Sy. ( err Jeannie! ) πŸ™‚

      • Jeannie? πŸ™‚ Maybe Jasmine!? I have long, black hair.:-)

      • I don’t have a laptop. I use my iPad. Hehe. No danger of keyboard in today’s tech savvy world.:-)
        Sadly HE has done the inevitable. I am just waiting to get hold of HIM and have it out properly once and for all. I thought we had something special but even to my ears and eyes it is a sad cliche’. Hence in so much turmoil. I want to scream and I am tired of being a warrior. Sucks.

  4. Jasmine the Genie? Jasmine it is! πŸ™‚

    Screaming can be theraputic – i find though, all things considered, it is usually best done alone, outdoors – ideally at the beach (and you never know – some bronzed life-saver may come up and ask if you need some help? – although you may find that a more appealing thought than i do!) πŸ˜‰

    I can certainly relate to the concept of someone you loved and cared for strongly doing things you thought (hoped) they’d never do. I seek comfort in the fact that i am supposedly able to control me and how i feel about what others do but will never, no matter how hard i wish it, be able to control anyone else, so attempt to not waste my time over the actions of others ( it took many, many years to gain that level of perspective and i’m far from perfect at practicing it – still, i try!) πŸ˜‰

    Something my nemesis has sort of taught me though which may or may not be of some benefit in your situation.. it is kind of pointless ‘accusing’ someone when you face up to them ( assuming you get the chance) it is far better and may be met with more positive action from them in return if you clearly and as unemotionally as possible tell them exactly how what they may or may not have done makes you feel inside and the effect it has had on you ( without giving them the priviledge of knowing they have so great a power over you – cos some people get off on that power and will keep on abusing it, and you) it can be a very fine line we have to wal sometimes – not easy when we feel in any way ‘unbalanced or off our ‘centre’ :-/

    Good Luck, Jasmine of the Raven Hair. πŸ™‚

  5. just thought i’d visit a bit to thank you for liking my stories, it’s been awhile since i’ve written prose since i’m so smitten with poetry lately. we spoke briefly on Sreejit’s wonderful blog too, enjoy, and keep the::::light::::

    • You are most welcome to visit anytime.
      Good luck with the poetry , and shining the Light that others may also see.

      • thank you, i’m simply following where the words take me, poetry seems to have that affect. πŸ˜‰

  6. Ariel

     /  17 May, 2013

    What does “under new management mean?”. Like “Bob” is now another person? When did this change occur? Will it change the nature of the blog? Like the subject area?

    What happened to binary bob? In my experience when someone “goes away” they are in prison. Lol. But then again I’m not talking about bloggers but people who have a different…”hobby” πŸ™‚

    • I’m guessing, since you are the only one so far to actually notice and comment, that Ariel and Jay are one and the ‘same’? πŸ™‚

      Under New Management is meant to indicate that Bob is negotiating a ‘take -over’. Formerly, Bob has largely been under the control of his desires and human emotions with no real defined set of guidelines, other than the ones we humans generally follow, being largely unaware of any other way to be.

      Bob is now actively endeavouring to live not according to his own selfish desire, want or need, but to live instead under the management of a higher ‘source’, by reason of recognising his own spirit and it’s direct relationship with what is generally termed ‘God’.

      This is not an easy process that i can instantly and totally achieve, but is a goal i am working towards as i believe it offers me the best possible set of outcomes for my well-being. Also the well-being of any others i come into contact with.

      You may have noticed there has been a trend to less ‘worldly’ posts of late in favour of posts that i believe are of benefit to creating the change that i wish to have in my former behaviours/values.

      I hope to be able to post a wider range of subjects again once the New Management has more say in my day to day existence and i have less tendency to slip back into my ‘old’ self and i actually become that which i now desire most strongly to be.

      Binary Bob, that takes me back nearly 20 years to when i first connected to the web πŸ™‚

      AS i’m sure you are aware, but which only now becomes apparent in a new way to me, binary implies two possible states of being 1/0, all or nothing, on or off.

      I am/was nothing, i desire to be One, to have it all. The part of me that was switched off for so long i now seek to switch on (to have switched on!). Powerless to Powerful. Hopeless to Hopeful, Empty to full…

      From being against to being With. (God)

      Going away? no! Going Home.

      in prison? i was in a prison before – a small room with no way out and no understanding there was anything more than the cell i knew, my aim now is to be completely free from the tiny cage i believed was my life… and to see if i can show others trapped like i was that there is much, much more than we dared see before in our own little ‘worlds’.

      Same body (largely), a New Manager has been appointed – time to see just what this guy can do! πŸ™‚

      • Ariel

         /  17 May, 2013

        Lol. Interesting assumption.

        Honestly I noticed it bc I was viewing your site from my brand spanking new iPhone 5 (old phone was in an accident and had to be put down) and when you view your site from a phone the “under new management” sub header is VERY pronounced.

        Later I saw your site from a PC and its not – at all. I wouldn’t have noticed it if I’d originally seen it on a PC.

        Not sure what my commenting or that I noticed has any correlation w me being the same as Jay. Could there be another reason you came to that conclusion?

        Also funny, yes your posts have become less wordy but not your comments! My mind is still twisting over trying to understand what you were saying there.

        Aside from “being a better person” and “one with God” (which btw I’m still confused about. I thought you either were already one with Him or were a believer but still has an open mind to other ideas and such, somewhere you said you still had your reservations about fully committing or being a true Christian, that was earlier on though so maybe things changed and I missed that somewhere).

        Another thing. When I first saw the “under new management” I literally took it as a restaurant sign of the same words would be. Hence why I asked if a new writer had taken over.

        Your response for all it’s talk of God and binary mathematics (which for a brief time in HS when test season was over our teacher decided to give us a crash course in it, oh just for fun, I was actually very good at it, liked it, I found it fascinating like language. Which is what computer programming is, language but using numbers for letters – one if the reasons many foreigners chose this profession/area of study. They don’t need to understand the language of their new country, the concepts of programming are language in themselves) and both releasing from a prison of your own creation to sharing yourself with God and etc

        I read that (and I say this as it was my visceral interpretation, like what I was reading into it as I read it – like the true meaning of a dream) is that you are no longer one. You are sharing your life with someone. Like you’re engaged or got married or something.

        That’s what I got from it. God is in marriage. Giving yourself, being less selfish, sharing, and opening yourself up; being released from solitary and adjoining with another being.

        Maybe I read it that way because its true or… Because as I said, the whole thing was kind of over my head. Like I think I got it but at the same time I was under the impression all those things you mentioned we’re activities you already were “engaged” in.

        So, is a congratulations in order? Are you to be wed? To a human? Or are you doing the monk thing and “marrying God”.
        Or I guess simply living a more “true” pious life?

  7. Forgive me my assumption Ariel, my assumption was based on 3 loosely connected points: Your email has initials J A (Jay); your first post was from a similar IP to that of said Jay and curiously your last two comments are from a different ip?; and thirdly the comment had a similar tone or ring to it… but i certainly could be wrong – it’s happened once before πŸ˜‰

    One with God: In one sense i believe we all are – what makes each one of us comes from/contains God; but it is in our mind, our conscious, our ‘self’, that controls the thought and action of the body, where we differ and separate from Him.

    I had been as separate as anyone growing up and up until my 30’s when i began reading scripture and investigating.

    I had not made a fully conscious commitment to attempt to ‘reunite/re-connect’ my self’s spirit to God until this year. Now i desire to grow fully in spirit into a human being led by the spirit – one that is as one with God’s Will, as i discover it to be through scripture and experiences.

    Marriage to another human is not currently on the cards, have tried twice and failed.And i don’t intend to go the full monk route as in join a monastery, but i will for the short term live a kind of monastic lifestyle as fits with my circumstances while i try to become better acquainted with God. I was ‘having a look/leaning towards those things’ before but now i have made a commitment – this is for life.

    It’s not so much being less selfish as learning to subdue the self totally in favour of a selfless being that is free from previous hindrances (prison of my own making-self) so as to be able to Love completely unconditionally God and all He has caused to come into being, to follow His Will without my own getting in the way all the time. Surrendering (crucifying) the flesh so that the spirit may live free from ‘distraction’ and can the control and direct the flesh body itself – as much as is humanly possible (with some help from above!) πŸ˜‰

    Being closely attached to a fellow human being (even one on a similar path will provide too many possibilities for distraction/make the goal harder to attain).

    Any of that make sense?

    β™₯ β™₯ β™₯

  8. Ariel

     /  19 May, 2013

    Lol. Your woman already writing your blog for you. So whipped.

    Bob + one; I do not wish you well nor do I wish you foul. Only life; however it goes until it reaches the one certainty of this world; death.

    (I do not know you, I can’t in good concious wish well to those I don’t know have earned it and I do not wish will ill onto anyone. I only know there is life and death. Whatever happens in between… some is within our control, some is not. How we cope with was is not is when our true character is revealed. I DO hope you have gone through something horrifiically awful and painful, something that requires complete selflessness – not just “trying” Bob. Trying is failure. Don’t believe me? It’s right there etched on Bukowsli’s grave stone. Yea. I do hope you have already been through something that reveals each others true self, not the self they “strive to be”. Just … ya know, in my experience people talk a lotta crap but when it comes down to it… Hey fathers killed sons over a slice of bread during the Holocaust, so nothing is out of bounds. Ya know. That’s the extreme. So much less has caused “try” to morph into “goodbye”)


    • Ariel

       /  19 May, 2013

      Oops, haha. Mistake #892 (pretty bleak over your 2 – were those your two marriages?)

      Only saw hearts.

      Wait, so you have been divorced twice? That’s ok in Christianity… You’re not catholic… Gotcha.

      That sucks. I can’t imagine divorce. I just can’t. I can’t… I’m a chicken. I don’t fear physical pain (well to an extent, I get novacaine during dental work- my mom, crazy lady, doesn’t! Doesn’t trust modern medicine. Has teeth pulled wo anything. Had me wo anything) but emotional pain; that will end up killing me. That or stomach cancer, it runs in my family, but not till I’m like 80, which I’m fine with.

      So you are celibate? How long that’s been going on for and how’s it working out? I hear it can be very stressful. Sex is a natural stress reliever, I am definitely my… I am most aroused when I am most stressed. I think it’s biology at work. I’ve seen it be the opposite for men though. The seem to get flaccid in times of anxiety… Anyhow. I’d be interested to hear how chasity affects men.

      I still… Don’t get what has “changed”. Like you are bettering yourself in the ways of the teachings of Christ through reconnecting with your-Self?

      What if you find your “self”… Sucks? Like you are a terrible human being filled with hate rage anger vengeance etc? Do you then take each flaw, and kind of like you would strengthen a muscle at the gym using a different weight or machine, use gods teachings to work them out?

      I won’t marry likely. Why, told ya, I’m a chicken! But then maybe I will, I’m also insanely stubborn and am compelled to “break” down and get through my fears. So, we’ll see.

      For me it’s one of those uncontrollable facts of life. One of those things you can put all you have into you can create as much possibility earthly possible but it is still “possibility” not “definitely”. I can date, be open to men, act like a lady (for the first 8 mos till they’re hooked πŸ™‚ ), I can do all those things but if there is no spark, if love does not blossom (that is the perfect analogy for possibility! You take a healthy seedling, plant it in fertile soil, you water it, coddle it but you cannot control if it takes root, if it grows, you did all you good and you have no control over the final outcome!) then it doesn’t and I am not one to pledge anything I do not feel completely, cannot hold myself totally accountable for.

      I would run before saying “I will….” In front of my loved ones and god, whoever he may be.

      Sad. It makes me sad sometimes. I wish I could lie. To myself first, tell myself I DO LOVE this person, then to him and then to the world. It might be nice to live in a bubble of your own concoction.

      Real truthful live can be a total downer sometimes!

      As for is jay ariel, is ariel jay… Hmmm, I kind if like that you feel you know something that may or may not be true.

      Don’t have much to say about IP addresses. Though I come from a family of computer wizzes I was not blessed with that talent (will someone please help me navigate this iPhone 5!, it’s friggen confusing!). I know there are static and dynamic ones. I know I write on several devices with both types. I know I use a corporate server from time to time. The rest… I don’t know.

      Hey sometimes I don’t even know who I am. How can I tell you who jay and ariel are?

      • I can tell you who you are…:-)

        or a what you are at least…

        you are a human being i believe i could eventually become good friends with – if we could both stick it out long enough ( and i saw it as i was writing it but there was NO double-entendre intended there!)

        and i get you – there are very few beings that can be ‘sure’ of who they are ( perhaps even none?)

        Death is a certainty in this world, in earthly life. I choose to believe, as have countless souls before me, that this life is not all we get to experience – although belief is as close as we get to Truth in that regard I don’t think God does ‘proof’ in the normal sense of the word. Some say He did in the past and they witnessed it, so far i have not, directly.

        Thank you for the horrible and painful thing – i get that also. ( and compared to billions i have had a very easy life to date – in future who knows? πŸ˜‰ )

        Yeah, just trying won’t cut it a man’s gotta DO what a man’s got to do. AS for try and goodbye… that is probably why i waited so long to really ‘try’ – i had to be sure because i think you probably only get one real shot at it per lifetime and failure is too great a thing in this case to risk not being well enough prepared.

        You think a woman is writing my blog for me? COOL! πŸ˜‰ ( but alas, not true!) πŸ˜‰ and as for celibacy, sadly yes and for longer than i like thinking much about – the sacrifices we make huh?
        I’m just about down with it now ( in the hip sense not depressive one!) not much stress involved and i still like to look, just no touchee πŸ™‚ Guess i need to work on that some if i’m to be good, maybe? Not sure how other men manage it – some try and fail badly from what i read in the news, i’m hoping for long term success. I guess i have to see how bad temptation gets, and how i react, before i can say more.

        Not that i am in any way Catholic, but i could still ‘fit’ – have only been divorced once. I got to within three weeks of a second marriage ( to my ‘perfect’ woman) before i called it off ( not cold feet – a long story, no happy ending, but it involved her mother and her brat of a 13 year old daughter – the She-devil)

        Currently what has ‘changed’ is my prime motivation, and my habitual way of thinking/life ( still changing though and probably will for a very long time unless i have some kind of epiphany). I never really had God as my prime and highest source of my intent and motivation as i choose freely now to do ( not through any one ’cause/need/disaster’ of life but because of careful consideration of the two alternatives. Belief versus no-belief in God.) This will in turn cause me to modify my thought and behaviour from my ‘old’ self and i come to put on the ‘new man’ as St Paul describes it.

        Doing what i can to follow Christ’s teachings is a part of it, also consciously reminding myself to always ‘face’ God ( look to Him rather than to self for way to behave) as well as ‘constant’ prayer, developing little habits to reinforce the way i wish to behave and looking out for the times when i slip back into old unwanted, no longer useful habits or thought patterns.

        AS for the ‘what if’ – the part of us that sucks is our earthly human self, the part that is based upon our human negativity which basically all stems from our isolation into the prison of self – from the delusion that we are separate from all else and not belonging to it as one. If we are a part of a greater whole we then have no need to do ill to anything or anyone as it is all us – and who wants to do harm to ‘themselves’, other than those who feel that they are not a part of something that is worthy of Love or being loved?

        I can have no fear that when i have God as my guide for being that i will become anything negative, Hate is something God hates and vengeance is His and His alone, not mine. If i become as he Wills and do only that i may judge ‘righteously’, providing there is no ‘self’ that remains to deceive me as to what God’s will is as i believe there is in those with extremist religious views. (Although in some regards mine may be seen as ‘extremist’?? )

        Yes! the flaw/exercise thing is on the right track, except that the flaw is in the human body/mind that i am currently working on overcoming through the new spirit (New management) in me/this body.

        If you have the strength and control and it does not drive you crazy πŸ™‚ i would applaud you not marrying – at least not first of all to another human being. After you become ‘married’ to God in spirit then do as He wills πŸ˜‰

        Like what you wrote about the watering planting and not completely accountable for. However there comes a point i believe when we all need to stop ‘running’ and face our fears grow past them and into something beyond. we must take accountability for ourself. and submit it to Oneness with everything/everyone else.

        Let love for everything consume us totally and become as One with it.

        Very nice to be able to communicate with you, hopefully on a level we can both relate to – feel free to ask if clarification is wanted or add anything you see as helpful πŸ™‚


  9. Ariel

     /  21 May, 2013

    Ok Bob,

    You have all the answers. Well you have the guidebook so it makes it a little simpler right. There is no thinking for yourself. Just acting on what is already written for you in the playbook.

    You don’t question it and that’s the best and easiest way to do it.

    Don’t ask questions. Don’t ponder. Don’t question. Just do your best to act as is written. Even if it goes against human instinct.

    I believe sex is good. It is healthy, it is spiritual and it natural.

    I know for a fact married people live longer than unmarried people (for men this increase higher than in women).

    I know if I plant a healthy seed in fertile soil. I give it sunlight and water that it may still not grow and there is nothing I nor anyone on this earth could do about it.

    I know that letting go of a seedling that failed to take root and planting another in the hopes it will grow and blossom is holding myself accountable. It is recognizing that I cannot will something and sometimes (more often than we’d like) all the love, effort and appropriate conditions can still lead to failure. Knowing when to let go and begin again, that to me is holding myself accountable.

    Farmers grow weary when year after year their crops, their children fail to grow, either due to conditions they have no control over or simple bad luck. Lemons. Sometimes we are handed a sackful of lemons.

    We are handed them, what we do with them… Dunno.

    There’s no sugar in the cupboard. No mint in the fields, no whiskey in the carafe. No mint juleps today.

    Perhaps an acid peel, to help me stay looking young bright and fresh.

    I really have no clue what you said. All I hear is you are attempting to live a life of a moral human. …. Like be a good person. That’s all I got. Not sure what more there is. I pretty much think that’s at the epicenter of all religions and most governments. But, I could be wrong. I’m not schooled in the ways of anything really.

    I just follow my heart, my gut and my conscience – something I was fortunate enough to be born with. I’m just learning, as I meander through life outside the fence of good people and human decency I created for myself in my former home, that some, no A LOT of people don’t have one!! – now I get why it’s hard for you and others to do good, be good, give and not just take, forgive, be less selfish, see that in helping others you help yourself. Value yourself on something besides commodities and money.

    Value yourself by how others value you.

    That’s all I know. I do not like to close myself off. I do not want to “know who I am”, this implies I cannot change, and I need to be always evolving.

    We all should – in my unwritten doctrine of opinion anyways.


  10. Thank you for your honesty ( as you see it).

    I have problems with some of the things i read ( which may be due to my reading – or due to your way of thinking/central core of belief? – i will keep an open mind on that one for now πŸ˜‰

    One difficulty i have: Value yourself by how others value you.

    If i were to do this then my ego would naturally make me do things that i THINK would make them value me ‘more’ ( My thoughts however might or might not match the actual reality of their values)
    My value would increase as others thought ( or i thought they thought) more of me.

    In this way i could easily be tempted to not be ‘myself’ not be TRUE to myself.

    Value yourself – know yourself honestly. Do not compare yourself to other human beings, just know that all of us have our own path to walk, our own mountains to climb and valleys to climb up out of. Know also that our self is just a construction, an illusion, and that reality is much greater than our human mind can contain.

    Another difficulty: There is no thinking for yourself. I try to consciously think less of my ‘self’, my ego’s construct. But i definitely think for myself. i simply choose to recognise that there is a far greater wisdom than the sum i have so far managed to accumulate and believe that by making my thoughts and will more in line with this concept, more open to it and not just my own narrow view i can gain far more than i could ‘on my own’. I am not all that there is – but i can seek to be open to it. I see the greatest opportunity for personal growth from it.

    Sure a rule book or guide book is a good thing to have, but it is also good to question it, test it and prove that it is worth following – a guide that gives you bad advice is not worth following and can soon be shown to be such.

    There are more points i would like to discuss, but things get lost when too many things are discussed at one time so i should like to try to limit the number of threads in our lengthy correspondences with the hope that we can arrive at more mutual understanding – should you wish to?

    One last item though… i don’t believe we are ever handed a sack of lemons, or even a single lemon – we are ‘handed’ a circumstance – and our response to that circumstance (our unique perspective of it from our point of view) is what makes it a ‘lemon’ or a strawberry – ( i love strawberries!)

  11. Ariel

     /  22 May, 2013

    Ok, binary bob.

    I don’t remember where I said or insinuated that I gave a mouses furry tail how people saw me or what they thought of me.

    I do not value myself as others value me.

    I wish I did! What a simple life that would be! Without questioning professors. Experts in their field who at first bc of years of saying and believing the same for years denied and chastised me for my refuting their ideals only to come to me or announce to the class that my words “made them think”, “made the question”, reconsider things they had accepted as fact (ie the world is flat).

    I am not saying I know better than anyone or that this happened more than a handful of times or even that students before had not felt the same but had fear of perception of others to say it.

    What people think???!?

    You of all men should not give credence to this mortal perception of man. For me I am true to myself, my values and my family. You hold yourself accountable to Jesus (eh, more like the interpretations of his ideas by people who never actually met him – or rather edited versions of stories by men who met him by Romans and others hundreds of years later).

    Lemons are of the earth. I do not dislike them. But they are sour.

    My experience… It’s really, and I know this, is fairly benign compared to say… That mother who smothered her crying baby to death accidentally while hiding in a toilet trying to escape the nazis… Only to be captured anyway and come out through a smoke stack her living children would later breath in.

    Yah, my roads not been that tough.
    I’m not a woman in Iran or Ethiopia where they still perform female circumsision.

    I’m quite alright when you think of life in those terms.

    Funny. I had a roommate in college, your analogy made me think of this bc I like strawberries too.

    My roommate was fiercly allergic to strawberries; all berries. But she loved them. Once a month or so she would take a bottle of Benadryl (from the Chinese girl who relied solely in eastern medicines otherwise), and know she had nowhere to go and her epi-pen on hand and indulge.

    Her face would swell. She looked… Lol… Awful, she would gasp for air. But my word she loved them strawberries.

    See, your strawberries can be another’s lemons.

    Another way to think about that.

    Because I too have an open mind. Now and always.

    J. Ariel

  12. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that i feel you are angry? At something? someone?

    The value yourself as others see you was in your comment i responded to! it read as you saying that was what you thought – did i misread something? It looked fairly definitive to me?

    Just prior to that comment you made was the line: Value yourself on something besides commodities and money ( a thing i strongly believe we should do) but in the context you were writing it it came across as a thing you were accusing me ( and many others) of not doing/finding difficult to do?

    The strawberries and lemons thing was exactly what i was attempting to express to you… it is our perspective that makes them ‘sweet or sour’ – whatever they are they just are themselves, for the unaware however, they only see them as a certain way and so they ARE that way to them (lemons) whereas to one more aware they are simply occurrences that can be viewed in many different perspectives not just as sour lemons ( or sweet allergic strawberries).

    So how open is your mind to the concept that you are but a very small part of a much greater universal mind? Would you be willing to surrender your self to it? Give up your pride of place as your own number one entity? Can you see any benefit in such a belief? More benefit than holding yourself accountable to yourself? or do you see it as only diminishing you, not expanding you?

    I have a questioning mind πŸ™‚

    • Ariel

       /  25 May, 2013

      “I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that i feel you are angry? At something? someone?”

      Yes. And Yes. I am angry in the position I am currently in and at a person who lied to me and played a role in my being in this position.

      ” it is our perspective that makes them β€˜sweet or sour’ ”

      I must refute. A bio allergy to something that is potenially fatal is in now way an individuals perpective. Just… yah know. It’s just not.

      I quoted a friend, and insightful goodhearted friend re: the lemons. This was him soothing me during a time of need. Was it right? Was it a credo he lives by. I doubt it, I think he was simply doing his best to console me; to make me not feel alone in my troubles, to say, “yes, bad things happen, they happen to all of us, it just so happens a bunch of bad stuff has happened to you in a short amount of time, it sucks but it will be ok. it happens to all of us, you will get through”. That’s… all that lemon thing meant, as I saw it. It worked. I felt relief in his words, in remembering I was not alone in “suffering”.

      “So how open is your mind to the concept that you are but a very small part of a much greater universal mind? Would you be willing to surrender your self to it? Give up your pride of place as your own number one entity? Can you see any benefit in such a belief? More benefit than holding yourself accountable to yourself? or do you see it as only diminishing you, not expanding you”

      You ask this … a lot. Like nearly every post, every comment, evreything. Is it an actual question, or are you just preaching?

      I am an amoeba on this earth, a particle of dust in the universe. I don’t know if something I said made you believe I thought otherwise. Surrender myself to it? So not care what happens in my life at all? Just float about in the sea waiting for an orca to suck me into his giant mouth? Be kicked around a nova until it explodes into a black hole? Should I surrender myself to my own insignificance and stop trying to be significant – in creating positive change in others (this is what i got my degree in, this is my passion – I chose this path, it has always been my only true and lasting goal and the fear of not acheiving it is overbearing – should I stop this? just, be?).

      “More benefit than holding yourself accountable to yourself? or do you see it as only diminishing you, not expanding you?”

      What is accountable? Like no that what I do has a chain reaction and affects others? Do you believe I do not do this? What gave you that impression?

      I get very moody, I have bouts of moodiness, whether biologically induced by the lovely gift of womanhood that is our mentraul sycle or external factors. During thse times I go into ” hiding”. Off the grid. I don’t hang out with my friends. I attempt to interact as little as possible with people lest I burden them with my sadness, a rant, snapping at them because of my dimished patience.

      I make this choice.. I made it years ago when I realized it was the best way for ME to cope with mood swings. If I were stronger there is probably a better way.

      Is this what you mean? I don’t have the same “language” as ou when it comes to words like “accountability”. Take responsibility (to a fault) for my mistakes. Is that what you mean? I don’t get it.

      That said, it doesn’t mean I don’t have the natural internal strife an d pain of the woes that have caused whatever I did to hurt someone. It doesn’t mean I sometimes fail at unraveling myself and cause other pain (my poor mum…).

      It doesn’t mean in a journal and initial reaction is to beg that things had gone differently, that the action of another hadn’t taken place, the action that caused my negation reaction – for which I admit was not appropriate or hurtful.

      An example of how you experience accountability may help.

      “as only diminishing you, not expanding you” – what does this mean? are you asking if i believe admitting fault is weakness or empowering?

      Sometimes I really do not know what you are asking. If that is the correct interpretation of the question then I say – the answer is redundant since I inevitably “blame myself” for everything negative in my life as I pat myself on the back for achievements as well as thank and appreciate those who helped me to succeed.

      Does it diminish me to always blame myself? Dunno but it sure doesn’t make life easy!

  13. First ofd i would like to put you at whatever ease you may be able to feel when conversing with an almost total ‘stranger’. I realise that many people can easily feel offended or insulted by some of the things i write. Please understand that this is never my intention – i seek only to have others gain the possibility of another perspective to life in general and theirs in particular.

    I understand that since we are different human beings ( and even ‘opposite’ sexes! πŸ˜‰ ) we wil have difering perspectives but from what you write i sense that we may be able to achieve something close to a mutual understanding, providing we always ask the questions on things we don’t at first see the same way. I applaud you for your asking when in doubt and apologise if i sometimes seem to be ‘dictating/preaching’ to you… again i would not seek to control you in any way, but hope that by considering what i write you might find a certain freedom you may not otherwise be aware of πŸ™‚

    So that said i hope to provide my perspective on my ‘answers’ to some of your thoughtful questions.

    regarding ‘perspective’ and sweet and sour. If you will recall i said that things are just things… so for example a bio-allergy is exactly that – ‘you’ ( i assume) are allergic (for some reason!) to a certain thing ( or were you referring to your strawberry friend? Doesn’t matter – same principle applies) that is the truth of the matter. what you ( or your friend) does about that thing is what determines for you (them) if you feel that is a sweet thing or a sour thing.. if you bless it or curse it.

    The allergy itself is neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’ it just ‘is’; we are free to choose our perspective on it for ourselves ( but all too often are ‘influenced in our feelings by those of the people we hang around with and their perspective on the similar matter – who is to say ‘they’ are more right in their perspective than we are if we hold a different/non-obvious one?).- Fair enough?

    As for my frequent ‘asking’ of the giving up the self question ‘every post, every comment’ you may be right πŸ˜‰ lol

    I believe ‘the self’ is the most essential part of human life we can ever possibly try to understand – that it is the ‘key’ to our life, whoever we are/whatever we believe. In my (limited) experience many, if not most people, never really spend enough time ‘knowing thy self’, learning and ‘experimenting’ so as to find the real truth that lies beneath our surface level of consciousness.

    Sadly, too many people today (imho πŸ˜‰ ), are content to just ‘know’ what they can see and prove based upon the limited physical experiences we see all around us and have next to no experiences of a nature other than the purely physical and i’m including in that feelings related to our physical organs and hormones or to internal sensations/feelings.

    I concede that there is no strong physical evidence for the existance of ‘anything else’ than these, but i believe it is foolishness to assume therefore that anything else does not exist.

    I am emboldened in this belief through the latest theories of Physicists who now declare with certainty that the things we see in our physical Universe are but around 5-6% of the total of ‘everything out there (and ‘in here on earth’ too). All the stuff of matter we see in our Universe and all the energy contained in the entire electro-magnetic spectrum we know of is only around 1/20th of ‘what is’ The vast majority of our Universe around 2/3rds) comprises ‘dark energy’ – energy we cannot even detect with physical instruments! – and the large remainder( about 1/4 of all that is is Dark Matter, physical matter that we are unable to ‘see’ with any kind of instrument.

    The point being Dark Energy is now believed to exist, all around,in and through the known Universe and has existed since the Big Bang, even though it’s actual existence only came into our human consciousness in our lifetimes. Just because we cannot see a thing does not mean it does not exist.

    So does ‘God’ exist? I have no proof, but i feel that throughout our human history most of mankind has believed that He or something greater than ‘we'( the self) does exist and we have tried to live in a relationship with whatever God is.

    Personally i did not believe for much of my lifetime, but now seek to establish a firm and unshakeable belief that i am not the final arbiter of the truth behind my own existance. That there is a ‘God’ who is as most religions hold Him to be. (and not as we fallible human beings ascribe to Him in our misundertanding/limited understandings)

    So to be true to my own belief i say what i say as a way of expressing my internal belief and bringing it out into my ‘real’ world in he hope that the light it contains shines out so that others may gain something of value from it. That it may help someone find something they have been trying to find but maybe have ben looking in the wrong places?

    Of course i may not have ‘the’ answer that is right for every person – what is right for me might not be right for another… but if i can find a greater ‘universality’ then all people are capable of finding the same thing within themselves…. it’ all a matter of ‘perspective’ πŸ™‚

    BY ‘accountable’ i was saying/asking “if you believe there is no God or ultimate arbiter of right and wrong outside of youraelf then you become the ultimate arbiter of right or wrong ( perhaps not for ‘all’ – perhaps – but certainly for your own self and everyone else would be the same. 7 billion different versions of right and wrong – the likelyhood of them ever agreeing on ‘everything’ is practically nil. Therefore we are condemned to be in strife against someone somewhere forever. I don’t like that thought personally. By allowing for a higher arbiter of right and wrong than our ‘self’ and surrendering our will to it we then have the possibility of all who do so agreeing on everything. If everyone did this everyone would then agree and strife with our fellow man would be non-existant.

    Given that God is infinite and we are not there is sufficient room for a number of ‘versions’ of God, we don;t ALL have to be exactly alike thinking exactly the same thing… providing that we all agree on one thing… that God IS God no matter how we see Him, knowing any difference is just a matter of perspective of us and not of Him Being ‘different’. And then having the tolerance of allowing others to have their own perspective of God providing we can realise that every living being has the right to live ‘right’ as they see it in their God and God never asks us to make someone else think exactly as we do, just as He does.

    As diminishing not expanding you.. i was not referring to you specifically, but rather the frequently felt thought that believing in and following God’s Will over our own restricts us does not allow us to think ‘for ourselves’ – that in this way ( following commandments eg) we are diminished/restricted/ from being ‘free’, whereas some may think that because God is infinitely wise we could be more ‘free’ than only following our own limite understanding.

    Would surrendering to God restrict your behaviour in a solely negative (diminshed) fashion? or would it open up new ways of seeing and thinking that allows you to grow into something more than you can ‘on your own’?

    Blaming yourself for perceived ‘failure’ while congratulating you ( and others) for ‘your’ perspective of successes is the kind of ‘accountability’ oi was getting at – from what you said i would say that it is the (your) ‘self’ which currently carries your ‘accountability’.

    Could you benefit by removing that sense of ‘blame’, by knowing that you have nothing to be blamed for, as well as giving God credit for all that you achieve?

    I believe i can – so i now do my best to behave in that belief – sometimes i fail, but providing i do not let my failures break my ‘spirit’ and my Faith, i remain confident that i am becoming a better person than i use to be before i fully believed.

    I hope my thoughts offer you another way of thinking… and being – That you be happier, less angry, and more than you used to be also.

  14. Ariel

     /  29 May, 2013

    Yah no sorry Bobby B you lost me.

    You have a glass of sacramental wine with your minister friend and the chatty owl while well garbed in leather for both their pleasure.

    I never even implied I was angry or upset about anything you said, but you preach, you do not teach. You definitely do not listen. No wonder a splendor of brilliance that is Rob procurer of Humans are Weird grew tired of your furry gravatar, like pavlovs dog a cue of some twisted religious jargon he had homes led explored and himself decided was not appropriate for him.

    You speak of god and will and accountablity interchangeably with government.

    Is there a difference?

    Rules to keep the peace? Except no tyrant at the helm πŸ˜‰

    G’day mate.

    I think we’ve soaked in all we. Can from one another. You have your beliefs and I have a mind open to a sea of others πŸ™‚

  15. AM very sorry for your loss.

    There is a lot of truth in what you said (or at least the parts that made some kind of sense ( what on earth were you meaning to say about Pavlov? that line is space cadet stuff – off with the fairies – or was it just very poorly edited? either way i missed your point entirely) sadly though, i think you will never see it.

    As for my Minister friend and The Chatty one… i don’t drink or seek to please others i only seek to please (my) God. Everything else is a vanity.

    Success in your life whoever you are. And God Bless you.

  16. Ariel

     /  29 May, 2013

    You can’t HELP but put someone down while… saying goodbye, giving advice. That’s what I meant by pavlovs dogs. It takes a tiny trigger and you are salivating at the chance to knock someone down

    No one needs that in their lives. I hope your god does. For your sake

  17. Rejection is a bitch – aint it πŸ˜‰

    did you read what you wrote?
    ” like pavlovs dog a cue of some twisted religious jargon he had homes led explored and himself decided was not appropriate for him.” ???

    i’m to make sense of that? sorry.

    and i said the truth – i don’t believe you will ever see the truth in what you said above.

    Maybe the put down is more in the eye of the beholder?

    Whatever, neither of us are listening clearly and you have made your decision – so be it.

  18. Ariel

     /  29 May, 2013

    Yea that was iPhone auto fill gone awry. I can admit when I made a mistake….

  19. NEVER been one of my self’s strong points that! – not that you’d ever know πŸ˜‰

    If you have the time you might look at this: says what i mean in a different way. ( not about making mistakes – the rest of it)



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