Laughter is the best medicine…

…so they say.

Mind you you would have to be really sick ( like me)  to get laughs out of this lot.

.

I’ve had a really bad week, and to top it off i have to attend my Mother’s Cremation this weekend….

Or as she puts it:  Sunday Lunch!

.

My Wife treats me as a GOD!

– Every evening she places a plate of burnt offerings in front of me.

.

I discovered i have a fear of Giants..

it’s called Fee-Fi-Fo-bia!

.

As a child i once had a really bad experience with a Portrait Photographer…

even today i still suffer from flashbacks.

.

Fear is a little dark room… where negatives are developed.

.

I used to have a fear of hurdles.. But i got over it.

.

My Doctor thinks i’m paranoid…

he won’t say it – but i can tell that’s what he’s thinking.

.

If you REALLY want to get to know a paranoid better, just follow him around all day.

.

I’m not homophobic…

I LOVE my Home.

.

I was in a restaurant the other day when WHACK! – a prawn cocktail socks me square in the back of my head.

I turn around and there’s this massive big guy staring at me and he says: “That’s just for starters!”

.

I used to play in a band. We were called Prevention – Some said we were better than The Cure.

.

I tried to set up a Buddy Holy Tribute website – it got a few hits then it crashed.

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You have to be really careful on the internet these days, some people will try anything…

If you get an email saying ‘Two Free Tickets to see James Blunt”  DO NOT OPEN IT! –

There’s a chance it might contain two tickets to see James Blunt!

.

Who is your favourite living Beatle?

For Ringo , press the Richard Starkey Now!

.

Amy Winehouse; Jim Morrison; Kurt Cobain; Janis Joplin: Brian Jones and Jimi Hendrix – all dead at age 27

In 2021 Justin Bieber turns 27 – just be patient.

.

I think i bought Bonnie Tyler’s old car on e-bay…

Every Now And Then It Falls Apart.

.

I spent nearly the whole day in the music store looking for one U2 album …

But I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.

.

What’s the difference between a terrorist and a viola player?

The terrorist can have sympathisers.

.

What’s the musical definition of Perfect Pitch?

Throwing a viola into a dumpster from 30 yards without hitting the rim.

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What;s the difference between a Viola and a coffin?

The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

.

Cogito Ergo Spud – i think, therefore i Yam.

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Have you heard of an Australian Kiss? – It’s kinda like a French Kiss but from Down Under.

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The definition of an Australian Gentleman is someone who offers to light his girlfiend’s farts before lighting his own.

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When Australia got it’s first female Prime Minister in 2010 many predicted that the Australian economy would soon crash…

most likely by running into the back of the economy in front.

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4 Comments

  1. Very interesting selection 🙂

    Reply
  2. Just Beiber one did it for me..:-)

    Reply
    • hehehehehehee.. not nice of me i know, 😉 but it made me laugh too!

      P.S. Happy New Blogname! Sorry, but my reader did not recognise you at first, i had to re-approve your comments. Should be all ok now though 🙂

      Reply

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